How writing my memoir is going

I set a New Year’s resolution to begin writing my memoir about my immigration experience. A year in, I’m about halfway through at over 50,000 words. Here are some reflections on the writing process so far.

My plan of how to write didn’t end up happening

In my 2024 New Year’s post, I said I was going to approach writing my memoir like a content design project.

I was going to affinity map the notes I had written on my life over the years (my ‘user research’) and plan out a thematic order to tell my story. Only when that was done would I start to write.

That totally did not happen. I felt so overwhelmed at how much time and effort that would take when I was keen to start writing.

What I’ve ended up doing is kind of like the process I outlined, but in stages.

I had this one miracle night in January where a bunch of chapter titles came to mind of how to tell my story chronologically. I decided that each month, my aim would be to write one of those outlined chapters.

Before writing each chapter, I collect all my notes and thoughts related to the time frame the chapter is about. While reading them over, I make connections between them and decide on the most cohesive narrative for that part of the story.

So I’m telling my story chronologically overall, but some chapters have thematic chunks where the time order overlaps between them.

Starting a writing session is like going out for a run

As keen as I am to write my memoir, I don’t feel keen going into each writing session. It feels akin to going out for a run when the weather is bad or I can’t be bothered.

I procrastinate to get started because it feels like something I don’t want to face. But once I start and I’m in the zone, I’m happy I’m doing it.

In that sense, writing has felt like more of a chore than I expected it to be. Writing my memoir is not something I look forward to; it’s something I only appreciate once I’m doing it.

I think that’s because writing is ‘big thinking work’, and it’s hard to face that on top of a full-time job where I’m doing big thinking work. Sometimes, I just want my downtime to be mindless activities.

It’s all been about balance. What I’ve often been doing is aiming to have a writing session one weeknight a week and part of one day at the weekend. A session is anywhere from an hour to three hours.

But I’m not a stickler about it. If I don’t feel up to writing, I don’t write.

I feel less charged about my past

The most satisfying aspect of writing has been that my memories don’t feel like they affect me as much as they used to.

Prior to writing, thinking of particular memories would bring up all the feelings and emotions associated with it. It would feel like I was still going through that moment in the present. More often than not, this would have a negative effect on my mental health.

Now, my past doesn’t feel like it has that charge or spark about it anymore. I think this is because writing my memoir has led to me taking a more academic approach to looking at my life.

I’m examining my life events like a research project and trying to create a cohesive narrative about them. This process helps me disassociate from the experiences I’ve lived through.

I said in my New Year’s post I wanted to write my memoir to relieve myself of the weight of carrying around my memories. I didn’t want to keep thinking of things in an effort to make sure I don’t forget them.

So I had hoped and expected that sense of relief from writing it all down. What I didn’t anticipate was that that process would remove the charge from those memories, too.

I also said at the start of the year I wasn’t going to set a time-bound goal for writing the memoir because I wanted to give myself permission to stop if the process did me more harm than good. I can confidently say now this process is doing me good.

Next year’s goal: finish this thing

As you might expect, my New Year’s resolution for 2025 is to keep writing and finish a first draft. I am about halfway through the chapter titles I outlined, so this does feel achievable.

I’ll write an update this time next year to let you know how I’ve got on.